


Of Self-Hatred and Mutant Blood

by nyeh413peasants



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Ancestor/Descendant Sex, Dream Bubbles, Fingering, Karkat just really wants to be loved, M/M, Signless is willing to give him that love, blowjob, fluffy sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2016-06-18
Packaged: 2018-07-15 19:26:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7235527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyeh413peasants/pseuds/nyeh413peasants
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>I need you to fuck me as hard as I hate myself.<i></i></i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Self-Hatred and Mutant Blood

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spockandawe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spockandawe/gifts).



The Dream Bubbles were usually filled with various things to do.  From visiting dancestors and ancestors to just goofing around with friends, there was always something someone could happen upon.  Unfortunately, for one Karkat Vantas, this wasn’t the case.  Sure, he’d hung out with a few friends every now and again, but most of his time was spent alone.  The mutant found himself practicing with his sickles, though he wasn’t sure why he did it.  The Dream Bubbles were very unlike Alternia in many different ways.  Fights broke out every now and again, but it wasn’t too often as most trolls simply thought up a new place to go to escape the drama.

 In all honesty, that fact irked Karkat to no end.  He wanted to be able to fight his problems away.  He wanted to be able to scream and yell at those he was angry at and, while it did happen on occasion, it wasn’t the same when the receiving end didn’t do it back.  Karkat needed some way to get all of his pent up aggression and anger out, so he took it out on inanimate objects with his sickles- thrashing, yelling, and cursing the entire time until he was a hyperventilating heap on the ground.

 In reality, it wasn’t that Karkat was mad at others; it was the fact that he was mad at himself.  If anything, after he died the hatred he felt toward himself only rose.  It was to be expected, as he’d always despised himself, but it didn’t hurt any less that even after death he still felt the same.  He still felt the need to hide who he was, keeping it hidden forevermore.  Karkat honestly wasn’t sure what had happened when he died.  While most others remembered their deaths, he was different.  All he knew was a large being was looming over him and then- nothing.  The mutant didn’t like to think about it.  He didn’t even want to consider what everyone around him might’ve been thinking when his candy red blood was splattered everywhere- if it even did so.

 Instead of thinking about the cause of his death often, he instead thought about everything else that was wrong with him.  It was one thing that he couldn’t remember what had happened, but it was another matter entirely that no one had said anything to him.  Sure, he could’ve been alone at the time of his death, but that didn’t matter to him.  No one actually went out of their way to speak to him.  Of course, it could’ve been because of the simple fact that he was so angry all the time.  Still, even Eridan had gone out of his way to ignore him, finding another excuse to go somewhere else, nevermind the fact that Karkat had cursed him away at one point.

 He blamed himself for failing and part of him knew everyone else blamed him, too.  Sollux had completely avoided his existence, instead favoring Feferi’s company and trying to repair things between he and Aradia.  Karkat knew he could’ve helped, but he didn’t care all that much.  If Sollux wanted to be stubborn like that, then fine.

 Okay, it was a lie.  Karkat cared so much.  Too much.  He just wanted his friends surrounding him at all times, but knew he didn’t deserve it.  He was an absolute monster.  He realized it from the moment he exited the Brooding Caverns.  Karkat had been strong enough to make it out alive, succeeding at all the trials handed to him, but once his Guardian had told him he had to be careful due to his mutation, he suddenly felt so weak.  It felt like he would never amount to anything, after all, he was supposed to be dead- culled in the Brooding Caverns.

 He had tried convincing himself that he didn’t care; that he didn’t need anyone telling him that he was worth it and, because of that, no one did.  Relationships failed and he felt worthless in the end.  However, he always told himself  he deserved it.  A monster didn’t deserve fair treatment; someone that didn’t matter didn’t deserve it.

 But fuck, did he yearn for someone to tell him it would be okay.  Watching romcoms all the time made one wish for such things.  He just wanted someone to grab him and hold him, but alas, it would never happen.  It didn’t happen in life and it wouldn’t happen in the Dream Bubbles.

 Those thought plagued his mind as he wandered the Bubbles in search of something to do.  In one hand he held his sickle and in the other he held his communication device.  Karkat’s empty white eyes searched for someone to talk to, though he knew he wouldn’t actually go through with it.  In all reality, he just wanted to see if anyone was online.  His eyes searched the dimly lit screen, taking his attention off of whatever was in front of him as his short legs kept moving.

 Due to his carelessness in watching where he was going, Karkat ran headlong into a form, nearly falling on his ass from the impact.  Instead of apologizing, he growled, lifting his sickle to confront whomever it was that didn’t get out of his way.

 Instead, his mouth fell open, eyes widening as he took in the being in front of him.  No, it couldn’t be- It wasn’t actually-

 The Sufferer.

 Karkat’s ancestor stood in front of him proudly, his own mouth hanging agape as he took in the sight of his deceased descendant.  He stood almost a foot taller than the younger, angry looking scars littering his wrists and cheeks from his death.  His own eyes were white, empty, just as Karkat’s.

 The younger’s eyes suddenly narrowed as the realization hit him fully.  The troll that had brought him into the world was standing right in front of him, standing tall and pissing Karkat off to absolutely no end.  In his mind, The Sufferer should have been kneeling before him, kissing his shoes and apologizing profusely for passing on his tainted bloodline.  It was The Sufferer’s fault that Karkat was so fucked up- it was his fault that everything had fallen apart.

 “Karkat…” Signless began, though trailed off, letting the younger troll’s name linger in the air.  He looked hesitant, and rightly so as Karkat was ready to strike.  He took a few steps back, looking as if he were about to bolt, though thought better of it and instead stood his ground, eyebrows furrowing.

 Karkat also stood his ground, his knuckles whitening as he stared hard at The Sufferer, trying his hardest to keep it together.  He didn’t want to strike at that moment, but he was ready if it were deemed necessary.  The younger knew that if the other said one word that didn’t sit right with him, he would slash his throat- no questions asked.

 It wasn’t a secret that Karkat hated his ancestor.  He absolutely loathed the other’s existence and didn’t believe any of the stories until they were proven fully.  After that, he refused to even mention The Sufferer’s name.  In fact, Karkat firmly believed he would never have to deal with him- he wasn’t aware he would actually be standing face-to-face with him.  Karkat hated him, he fucking hated him so much.

 He had opened his mouth to tell him just that when The Sufferer suddenly stroked his cheek.  It was a movement so simple and so soft that, the next thing Karkat knew, he was on his knees, distilled red tears pooling in his empty eyes and threatening to spill over.

 “We finally meet, Karkat,” the elder mutant whispered, his voice soft, quite unlike Karkat’s.  It was clear he cared about his descendant.  While he could have stayed standing, he instead knelt as well, raising his other hand to caress Karkat’s cheek.  He watched as the other began breaking down, the anger in his face falling into an expression of pitiful despair and desperation.  It was clear that Karkat had never had anyone touch him in such a kind manner.

 And he hadn’t.  Throughout all of his years on Alternia and however long he’d lived in the Dream Bubbles, Karkat had never once been touched with kindness.  Instead, it had always been hate- hate from others and toward himself.  It was in that moment that Karkat truly felt like he wasn’t a monster.  All of the anger seeped out of him completely, leaving him feeling drained, but more desperate than he’d ever felt in his life.  He had never once spoken to The Sufferer and, in fact, still hated him, so he wasn’t sure why the thoughts filled his head, but they were there, pounding- begging to be let out.

 “I,” Karkat began, though bit his bottom lip with dulled teeth.  He lowered his eyes as the tears began falling.  He took a deep breath, before starting once again, “I want you to fuck me as hard as I hate myself.”  The words came out in a whisper, but from The Sufferer’s surprised expression, Karkat knew the words had registered in his mind.

 Karkat found himself more surprised when he was gently pushed to the ground, his shirt being lifted as The Sufferer began pressing his lips to Karkat’s gray skin, trailing downward.  He was confused, this wasn’t what he had wanted.  He’d wanted something hard- relentless, but it was clear the other wasn’t going to give him that.  No, he would take it slow and savor every last bit of Karkat.

 The next thing Karkat knew, his pants were being thrown to the side, his bulge writhing around hesitantly, almost as if it weren’t sure what it wanted.  The Sufferer moved his gray tongue up the wiggling length, his white eyes closing as he took the tip into his mouth, causing Karkat to moan.  He began losing himself in the feeling and suddenly found himself muttering, “Hurt me.  Please.  I need to fucking feel something more.”  He wasn’t sure where it had come from, though soon narrowed it down to the fact that he wanted his ancestor to do what he never could: hurt him.  He wanted to feel all the pain he knew he deserved.  Instead, The Sufferer shook his head, lowering it further onto Karkat’s bulge while his fingers played at his nook.

 Karkat moaned again, both in pleasure and frustration.  He just wanted the other to listen to him, but fuck, did he want to feel the sweet, drowning passion and pleasure.  He needed what The Sufferer was doing and it was etched all over his face.

 The Sufferer began bobbing his head up and down, eyes falling closed as he lost himself in the feeling.  It had been awhile since he’d fucked anyone, as The Disciple hadn’t been up for it due to hanging out with Nepeta and Meulin most of the time.  Orphaner would have been his next candidate if he were ever around.  Instead, he was left to take care of himself.  While fucking his descendant definitely wasn’t on the list of people he wanted to fuck, he supposed it was good enough.  Not only that, but how could he pass it up?  In all honesty, he did feel remorse for what he had done.  It was silly of him to ever expect Alternia could change fully- meaning he died for absolutely nothing.  He had always preached of change and yet, nothing happened.  Instead, he had brought another troll that was just like him into the world, destined to be tortured and harassed for the color of his blood.

 The elder mutant tried to block those thoughts from his mind, instead focusing on Karkat and the growing whimpers and moans that escaped his throat.  The Sufferer moved two of his fingers inside Karkat’s slick nook, arching them upward and earning another loud moan from the other.  He smiled as his descendants bulge hit the back of his throat, causing him to gag slightly as he moved his head back up, the bulge moving out of his mouth, connected only by a line of saliva.

 Karkat’s eyes rolled into the back of his head as he moved his hips, wanting to feel more from the other.  What The Sufferer was doing to him was unlike anything he’d ever experienced and fuck, he needed more.  He wanted to feel so much more.  In that moment, it wasn’t about the pain, it was only about the pleasure and the feeling wanted.  Karkat simply felt that The Sufferer actually wanted to be there.  To put it simply, Karkat felt wanted.

 Deeming Karkat ready enough, The Sufferer sat up, removing his own black pants and discarding them before positioning himself over Karkat.  He looked down at the smaller troll, noticing all of the similarities between them.  The small horns, dulled teeth, and the candy red flush.  Light tear tracks were still present on Karkat’s face, bringing out who he was even more.  

 It was then that something clicked in The Sufferer’s mind.  He knew what Karkat was talking about when he had told him to fuck him as much as he hated himself.  He remembered feeling the same thing and had said something of similar nature to The Disciple when they first met.  While he had preached of equality, he still despised himself.  He despised the fact that he even existed and occasionally wished The Dolorosa had culled him in the Caverns.  In that moment, he knew what he needed to do.  There was something in the back of his mind that told him he would regret it later on, but in that moment he didn’t care; he had to give Karkat what he wanted.

 Without a second thought, The Sufferer rammed into Karkat, biting down on his bottom lip at the feeling of the other around his bulge.  The latter cried out, his mouth hanging open as he threw his head back, hands gripping at the ground beneath him.

 The Sufferer then began ramming into him, gripping Karkat’s hips for good measure, blunt nails digging in and drawing candy red blood to the surface.  Loud moans began filling the air around them as The Sufferer pounded into Karkat relentlessly, refusing to hold back.  Sweat beaded at his brow, running down his face in small streams as low grunts and moans of his own joined Karkat’s.  The loud squelching of skin against skin also joined the chorus of sounds surrounding them.  In that moment, the two were the only ones in the Bubbles.

 The Sufferer kept going until Karkat was calling out his name, his back arching off the ground as he came, his bulge and nook oozing genetic material and soaking both of them, as well as the ground below.  The Sufferer then continued, keeping up the same pace until he, too, came, filling Karkat with his material.

 Karkat hissed in slight discomfort when The Sufferer continued pounding into him, but he couldn’t deny that it felt amazing.  He couldn’t deny that he was so fucking pleased that other had decided to be rough and relentless with him.  He let out another loud moan as The Sufferer’s genetic material filled him up, making his back arch once more as his seed flap snatched the material up, storing it for later, no doubt.  As soon as Karkat felt the other’s bulge exit his nook, he went limp, chest heaving as his head lolled to the side.

 “Karkat?” the other asked, his voice sounding distant.  The Sufferer looked down at him, his eyebrows furrowing as he grew worried.  He hoped he hadn’t truly hurt the other.

 Karkat brought a hand up, covering his mouth as tears filled his eyes once more.  All of the feelings of being fucked, listened to, and actually cared for had hit him at once, causing a wave of emotion to crash onto him.  He didn’t feel hated, he didn’t feel like an absolute monster.  He actually felt normal for once.  A sob escaped him, making him clench his jaw and squeeze his eyes shut.  He didn’t want The Sufferer to see him.  He didn’t want to be judged for crying like a wriggler.

 Surprising him once more, The Sufferer laid down next to him, wrapping his arms around Karkat’s frame and pulling him closer.  He hesitated a moment before kissing his cheeks, lapping at his tears.  It was a strange feeling to Karkat, but he accepted it, only crying harder at the realization that his ancestor wasn’t leaving.

 “I know how you feel, Karkat,” The Sufferer whispered, his breath tickling at Karkat’s ear, though not enough to make him shy away.  Instead, it comforted him, though also made him scoff through his tears as he rolled his eyes.

 “No you fucking don’t, you have no clue how I feel,” Karkat responded, his voice quieter and thick through the tears.

 The Sufferer sighed, pulling the other even closer.  “Yes, I do.  I know what it’s like to hate yourself and wish someone would simply comfort you.  I suppose, in a way, I had it easier.  I was much more trusting in most situations while you’re weary of everyone you meet.”  He ran a hand through Karkat’s hair, trying to sooth him.  “Your friends talk about you, Karkat.  They worry about you and wonder how you are.  The only reason I knew you were here is due to them.  I wanted badly to seek you out and tell you how much I understood you or how much I do care.”

 Karkat took everything the other said in, trying to process it.  He hadn’t been aware his friends talked about him and actually missed him.  As far as he had been concerned, they didn’t give a flying hoofbeast what was going on with him.  Then again, he knew that’s what he would get if he snapped at them whenever they came around.  In the end, he felt guilty, extremely fucking guilty.

 “I guess I should grow a pair of globes and go fucking talk to them, huh?”  he muttered in response, trying to swallow back the lump in his throat that kept his voice low.

 The older troll chuckled softly.  “You should, yes.  But stay here for a while.  I’d like to speak with you more.”  He continued running comforting fingers through Karkat’s hair, wiping away any stray tears he had missed.  The Sufferer wanted to be there for Karkat and show him just how important he was, especially to those that cared about him.  The last thing he wanted was for his descendant to isolate himself.

 “There’s still a part of me that hates your entire existence, so don’t think this was some sort of fucking reconciliation.  You’re still shitty and you still brought me into this excuse of a world and I’ll never let you forget that as long as we’re around,” Karkat growled, turning his body to face the other and giving him a hard glare.

 The Sufferer simply smiled, understanding that was just a part of his descendant.  It was true that he’d heard a lot about the other from his friends, so Karkat’s attitude toward him didn’t come as a surprise.  “Something tells me you wouldn’t be Karkat Vantas otherwise.”

 Karkat rolled his eyes, though bit his lip.  If The Sufferer had spoken to his friends, he must know about how he died, but did he really want to know?  He wasn’t sure how willing he was too open up that can of grubsauce when he was already so emotional with everything else.  Against his better judgement, he asked anyway.

 “Do you know how I died?”

 His ancestor looked rather surprised at the question, though opened his mouth to speak.  However, he struggled with the words, unsure of how to approach the topic.  Karkat began looking impatient rather quickly and something told The Sufferer he would know if he lied, so he decided to spill everything.

 “I do.  You sacrificed yourself for your friends, Karkat.  I believe you and I are much more alike than in simple blood color,” he responded, keeping things simple.  Even he didn’t know all the details, only that things had gotten bad and Karkat decided to do something about it, only to get himself killed.  It wasn’t like he could be faulted for it, though.

 Karkat nodded, biting at his lower lip and bringing his head down, not wanting the other to see the emotion that flooded his face.  He was done crying, but knew it would be difficult to mask the expression of pain and heartache he felt.

 “Was I able to save anyone?”

 The Sufferer grew silent for another long moment before responding, “Yes, you saved everyone that was still living.”  The troll felt his own heartache at the statement, not only at the fact that his descendant had sacrificed himself, much as he had, but due to the fact that Karkat was able to save those that he cared deeply for, while he hadn’t been able to.  He had failed in protecting those he loved, which was something he would always carry with him.

 The younger nodded once more, bringing a hand up and resting it lightly on The Sufferer’s chest.  “Then I guess, in a way, I kinda did what you tried to do.”

 He smiled, “Yes, I suppose you did.  You did what I failed to do and for that, I’m so proud of you, Karkat.”

 Karkat returned the smile, knowing it was truly genuine.  In that moment, he realized exactly what his ancestor had been trying to do.  Bringing peace to the world and making others feel safe.  While their enemy might not have been truly defeated when he died, those that he sacrificed himself for were still there- living.  He hadn’t been the monster he thought he was.  It was hard to admit, but he was a troll that stood for what he believed in.  It had taken him quite a long time to realize, but once he did, the smile on his face only widened.

 The Sufferer caught on quickly, his own smile growing.  “You’re important, Karkat.  You aren’t the freak you always thought you were.  You matter, you always have.”

 Karkat nodded, tears flooding his eyes once more.  Once the other let go of him, he would go straight to his friends.  He would no longer be afraid of himself or others.  As fresh tears spilled onto his cheeks, Karkat moved his head upward, kissing at The Sufferer’s face and losing himself in the happiness that he felt- the first sign of it since he’d pupated.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Hey, I really hope you enjoyed this! Honestly, it took me forever to figure out something perfect, so I really hope this is what you wanted. While I know this doesn't have dom/sub vibes, I figured something like this would suit the story even better.


End file.
